12 Feb

Be careful what you wish you for. Not only it may not come true but you, also, may appear silly.

Alice in Videoland, from Sweden, is a self-proclaimed best electropunk band in the world. Well. Guess what – it isn’t! Not to mention the fact that they’re not punk in any possible way whatsoever. LOL!

I had a hard time listening to their newest album A Million Thoughts and They’re All About You. I have to admit that if I went to a club in which this music would have been played, I’d have a pretty good night and I would dance until the dawn. But claiming it’s the best electroclash band in the world is a huge misunderstanding (and lack of any self-criticism).

Sure, there are some songs which are pretty ok but it’s a little disappointing that the best track of the album is Buffalo Stance, which is a cover of a cult single by Neneh Cherry. I’m also afraid that most of their songs incline more into the direction of a very mediocre disco rather than electroclash. In itself, it’s sad. The broadly understood electro has so many possibilities, you can really go into most psychedelic loops, you can rock hard (which is not worse than most though rock bands), you can create experimental things and you can play really catchy, however, ambitious disco songs.

Well, A Million Thoughts and They’re All About You doesn’t have ANY of it! From the musical point of view, both experimental artists and most disco ones are much better than this crap. From Peaches to Aphex Twin, from Bodyrox to Seefeel – everything is better than this! God, at some point I thought that even Britney Spears is better than this, at least she’s consequent in her genre and a big bunch of professional music engineers work their asses off to turn her whining into a dancefloor hit (and, in most cases, they do succeed, you gotta give her that).

What is even more embarrasing is that this album doesn’t differ at all from hundreds of really cheap and shallow records of local Eastern European disco bands. Remember the Romanian band O-Zone? One of the worst songs in the history? Or the Russian band of pretending to be lesbians, t.A.T.u.? Ok, Eastern European music engineering sucks completely. But apart from the fact that you can tell Alice in Videoland has large quantities of money that allows them to buy most expensive computers and hire most expensive experts, what is the difference between them and O-Zone or t.A.T.u.? Well, I’ll tell you: NONE!

Let’s think. Cheap rhythms – in both cases. A shallow, very overestimated vocal of really mediocre abilities – guess what, t.A.T.u. has it as well. Completely repetitive and boring melodies – surprise, surprise, you can find them anywhere.

Some of the songs are not that bad. I mean, if I hear In a Band in one of the clubs, I won’t run away or anything. But nothing, absolutely nothing can force me to listen to this record ever again. Once is absolutely enough!

I’m cruel but… fuck it. To make you compare what we’re talking about, I’m adding four (!!) songs/videos. Little Bird by Alice in Videoland. Sparks by t.A.T.u. which is not so much different in terms of quality – meaning, both of them completely suck; or worse, t.A.T.u. is not so bad compared to Little Bird. Then: the best song of the newest album by Alice in Videoland, Bender – and, actually, it’s the only song worth listening to. And, finally, Bodyrox feat. Luciana. An old hit. I know. But just as a reminder, how this shit should sound like.

This is crap no. 1:

Crap no. 2, which proves to be far better, imo, than crap no. 1:

This is how the whole album should be like, the best song of the album:

This is how this genre should sound in general. An absolute height in the wide disco/electro/dance genre, however, Alice in Videoland will never reach this level, let’s be honest:

p.s. I won’t even mention the quality of lyrics because this is where Alice in Videoland hits rock bottom and doesn’t have, absolutely doesn’t have one single song on the album that would defend them from my cruel comment. Just don’t google their lyrics. It’s for your own safety.



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